What to Do If You Think Your Ex is Engaging in Parental Alienation

Co-parenting can be challenging even under the best circumstances. When your co-parent seems to be actively turning your child against you, it can feel agonizing. You may hear your child repeat adult accusations, refuse visits out of nowhere, or start to act cold toward you despite a previously close relationship. If your co-parent is intentionally damaging your relationship with your child or interfering with your time together, you may be able to take action and protect your bond with your child. Your first step is to talk to a child custody attorney.

That’s where the team at the Law Office of Taylor B. Warner, APLC can step in to help. Attorney Taylor B. Warner has helped parents like you navigate difficult co-parenting situations and find solutions that protect their children. Learn more about your options by calling our child custody law firm at 909-466-5575.

What Does Parental Alienation Really Look Like?

Parental alienation looks different from family to family. While some changes in a parent-child relationship are to be expected, there are some changes that warrant a closer look.

Common examples of alienation include:

• Badmouthing the other parent to the child
• Blaming the other parent for the divorce
• Telling the child the other parent doesn’t love them or doesn’t love them as much as they do
• Going into detail about the divorce in a way that is not appropriate
• Encouraging the child to refuse visits or decline phone calls
• Making the child feel like they are disloyal if they love the other parent
• Indirect alienation—allowing other family members, friends, or partners to criticize the other parent in the child’s presence
• Blocking the parent from information about a child’s activities or games and then using their non-involvement to convince the child that they do not care

Normal Child Resistance Doesn’t Always Indicate Alienation

While it is important to be mindful of signs of alienation, it’s also important to remember that not all resistance from a child indicates alienation. As any child custody lawyer will tell you, the change from a two-parent household to two separate households can be difficult for a child, and they may act out in a variety of ways. They may refuse visits because they are anxious about transitions, going through developmental changes, want to maintain a sense of control in a time where they don’t have much, or want to stay close to where their friends are.

Before starting a conversation with your ex or a child support attorney about parental alienation, you may want to look at the evidence you have to get a better feel for whether you’re experiencing alienation or if your child is just going through a hard time.

Document Specific Incidents

If you do suspect parental alienation, clear documentation about specific incidents can help you. Every time your child uses adult phrasing that doesn’t match their normal pattern of speaking, says that they are not allowed to love, refuses a phone call or visit, or repeats specific complaints against you, write that down. You should also track missed calls, blocked communication, refused visits, and activities scheduled during your time without your consent.

Exercise Your Parenting Time

Even though it may seem counterintuitive to exercise your parenting time when your child seems unhappy during it, it’s important for them to see that you love them and want them around regardless of how they act. Minimize contact with your co-parent during exchanges to make exchanges brief and stress-free. Avoid forcing emotional conversations with your child, do not speak badly about your co-parent, and focus on reassurance and connection.

Consider Therapy or Reunification Counseling

If your child custody lawyer thinks that you may be a victim of parental alienation, you have options beyond just a change in custody. This is important, since courts generally only make massive changes to custody when it is overwhelmingly in the best interests of the child. You can also ask the court to order family counseling, reunification counseling, communication through a co-parenting app, or parenting education.

Protect Your Relationship With Your Child—Choose the Law Office of Taylor B. Warner, APLC for Your California Child Custody Case

Our child custody law firm is here to help you advocate for your child and preserve your bond. Let’s talk about your next steps now. Get in touch with us online or call us at 909-466-5575.

Taylor Warner

Taylor has always been an advocate. Growing up the middle child with an older and a younger brother, Taylor developed a strong voice and personality and has always felt strongly about helping others. Becoming a lawyer seemed to fit Taylor’s personality and character – she is a strong leader and a bold advocate. Learn more here.