Custody Exchanges With a Difficult Ex: Tips to Simplify the Process

Custody exchanges are part of life after a divorce or breakup. But if you have a combative ex, custody exchanges are an enormous source of stress, often causing anxiety in the days leading up to an exchange. You don’t have to live like that. While you cannot control how your ex handles custody exchanges, you can influence how and where exchanges happen, how you respond to conflict, and how you communicate during exchanges. Working with a child custody lawyer in California makes this process much easier for parents who just want a calm, stress-free exchange.

Looking for the right attorney to help you navigate child custody concerns? That’s where the team at the Law Office of Taylor B. Warner, APLC comes in. Our child custody law firm is led by attorney Taylor B. Warner, who has helped clients like you find peace in the midst of custody chaos. As a California Bar Certified Family Law Specialist, she’s committed to finding solutions that fit each client’s needs. Call us at 909-466-5575 to set up a consultation with a child custody attorney now.

Rely on a Detailed Parenting Plan

A parenting plan that accounts for every situation (including holidays, half-days at school, full days off of school, illness, and emergencies) can go a long way in preventing conflict. Contentious co-parents often rely on vague areas in a parenting plan to stir up trouble and try to start a fight. Negotiating these issues at the very beginning can save you time down the road.

Choose Neutral, Low-Stress Exchange Spots

Exchanges at home can stir up negative feelings, particularly if one or both of you have moved on or still live in the family home. Consider having exchanges happen at the child’s school or daycare—an arrangement that completely eliminates unnecessary face-to-face contact—or at police stations, visitation centers, or public areas with lighting and cameras. As an added benefit, meeting at a neutral place means you can leave if things get dangerous. You don’t have that same freedom if exchanges happen at your home.

Keep Communication Brief and Child-Centered

Keep all communication in business mode. Stay brief, informative, and friendly—but remain firm about your boundaries and what you will discuss. If they want to talk about your relationship or your perceived failings as a parent or partner, redirect back to the children. Additionally, this is not the time to talk about unpaid expenses, parenting choices you don’t agree with, or changes in the parenting schedule. Keep it brief, wish your children a fun time with their other parents, and head out.

Prepare Children for Transitions

Exchanges can be hard on everyone. Children sense conflict and tension, and they may struggle with the transition of exchanges if they can tell that their parents are. They may even be at heightened risk for PTSD after a high-conflict divorce. Keep your discussions about upcoming exchanges upbeat and positive, encouraging your children to have fun and letting them know when they’ll see you next. Should your matter require the help of a child custody law firm, the court will look at which parent attempts to protect the children from adult conflict.

Have Plans in Place for Delays, Changes, and Emergencies

If your co-parent has a habit of showing up late, arriving early and demanding that you accommodate, never showing up to pick up the children, or otherwise delaying or inconveniencing you, have plans in place for those situations. This can help you avoid becoming flustered and lashing out at your co-parent. If these situations do arise, document them thoroughly.

Avoid Emotional Triggers

Listen to music that calms and soothes you on the way to a custody exchange and focus on your child throughout the handoff instead of your ex. Practice what you want to say ahead of time and walk away before there’s a chance for an argument to start.

Know When to Loop in Your Child Custody Lawyer

Not every issue can be handled informally. If your co-parent is escalating and trying to force you into an impossible position, it’s time to reach out to your child custody attorney and protect yourself.

Call Our Child Custody Attorneys Now—We’re Here to Help

We understand that child custody concerns are often among the most stressful parts of a divorce. Find out how we can support you and advocate for you in court. Just call us at 909-466-5575 or connect with us online to schedule a consultation.

Taylor Warner

Taylor has always been an advocate. Growing up the middle child with an older and a younger brother, Taylor developed a strong voice and personality and has always felt strongly about helping others. Becoming a lawyer seemed to fit Taylor’s personality and character – she is a strong leader and a bold advocate. Learn more here.